Sounds like the future

Reposted from a MedKids Journal - http://boards.medscape.com/forums?128@559.f7mYawOqGzD@.2a063f93!comment=1

I Am Only Human After All

Kendra Campbell, MD, Psychiatry/Mental Health, 12:41AM Jan 14, 2011

"We are human, after all. Flesh Uncovered, after all.
We are human, after all. Much in Common, after all.”
-Daft Punk

It's 1:00 a.m. I just got home from an 18-hour shift at the hospital. I should really be sleeping, not typing. But I need to put in my weekly post here at the Ink Blot. And I don’t know when I’ll ever get the time to write again.

I remember when I was a pre-med student and even a med student...looking around at some of the doctors and wondering how they could sometimes be so short with their patients. I saw docs who didn’t really seem to care much for anyone, especially their patients. And I wondered how they could be in medicine and have such little empathy.

And now I truly realize why, maybe for the first time in my life.

As I’ve said before, there is an inverse correlation between the hours worked and the level of empathy towards patients. And not only empathy, but compassion as well.

I started the day at full speed, diligently caring for my patients. I comforted a patient in excruciating pain. I took the time to talk extensively with my patient’s mother. I went the extra mile.

But after around 15 hours into my shift, my empathy and compassion started fading. I began viewing patients not as humans who needed my help, but rather as obstacles in my path towards gaining sustenance, rest, and sleep.

Why did my patient have to go into respiratory distress and require intubation? Didn’t he know how fatigued I was? Why couldn’t he have waited until I left the hospital to become such a time sink?

Why did my demented patient have to keep ripping out her IV lines and foley catheter? Didn’t she know how much I wanted to see my bed?

I feel like I’m really starting to understand the dark side of medicine. I now comprehend The House of God with a whole new appreciation.

I want to care. I want to have empathy. I want to have compassion.

I know it’s within me. I know I want to be the best doctor I can be to each and every one of my patients.

But the reality...the truth...

Is that I can not.

I simply do not have that innumerable capacity.

I am only human, after all.

Something 19

So. I'm 19 now. Thanks to Flic I feel guilty for not blogging more often. -___-

Things I'd thought I would've had by age 19

a car

P's

a million bucks

a degree in awesomeness

the ability to grow a beard

a life

Things I didn't think I would have

an apartment 

S

this annoying "facial hair"

A short post, might add more whenever/ifever I feel less sleep deprived.

Hey, you smell like awesome-ness.

Phwoar! No more exams! Give me a hell yes, HELL YES!

I think I should introduce y'all to my Significant Other (to whom shall be lovingly referred to as S). S stands for superawesome! As well as smart. And stunning. And sophisticated. And sexy. And suave, and sociable, and sanguine, and self-assured, and secure, and well... super. Sentences are superfluous to the senses by which she stimulates. It seems my style of speech is in short supply to satisfy the superawesomeness which she secretes. Si, it seems I've run out of ideas... Shrug.

But yes! I've survived a semester of Medicine =O. Everything's not as bad as I first thought it would be - though that could be because I've slacked off so much over the past few weeks (too much partying with my textbooks?) I feel somewhat burnt out. Or just completely resigned to my fate... hopefully I didn't fail any exams...

Actually, lets go through them, since this IS supposed to be a Chronicle of the adventures of a MedKid...

First exam, biology. The bio here is completely fail =___= seriously? Even less material than year 12 VCE bio? What the hell -_____- The exam itself was typical of the Adelaidian stylique; broad strokes of general knowledge with a subtle dab of minor detail, not a particularly challenging piece to master.

Septum secundum comes the MEQ (modified essay question). This exam was a total bitch. "Dislike". It basically involves a case scenario (e.g. A 150 year old man comes into hospital with a pencil stuck up his nose.) and a basic history (He complains of headaches and grey coloured bogeys). And then that's when the shit hits the metaphorical fan - first they ask for data significance, i.e. the significance of the person being aged 150? he should be dead by now, duh. And then there's the, what are 3 potential differentials? 1) He's actually 15 and the 0 is used to indicate IQ, 2) He has a pencil stuck up his nose and 3) He is pregnant. (No joke; we are supposed to assume that all women we see are pregnant until proven otherwise. And yes, that includes YOUR MUM. *gasp*) And blah blah blah, some random question about some minor detail the lecturer mentioned for 2 seconds and can only be found in a completely irrelevant chapter in the textbook. MEQ should instead stand for Masochist Enema Quillrat. Because the exam feels like stuffing your rectum full of fictional spiny porcupine monsters. And for 3 whole hours too! Hurrah.

Third exam was MCQ, multiple-choice questions to mere mortals (^__^"). Consists of basically 100 multi-choice questions plus 25 marks for mechs. Basically. Quiet boring really. This was a 2 hour exam and I remember finishing an hour early. Hopefully time left over for an exam is directly proportional to the percentage score you get, amiright?

Last was the dreaded resource exam, which was today/yesterday incidentally (because I'm writing this at 2am). Apparently the 3rd year resource exam was impossible. Apparently the 2nd year exam was horrendous. The 1st year resource exam was a piece of cake. What an anticlimax, sigh. The most I'm worried about at the moment is that the admin people realise how stupidly easy the paper was, and decide to use scaling instead of the >65% = A system they have in place now. (Insane right, >65% serious? But yes, in MEQ >50% would be a godsend.) So yes - I'm really really hungry.

Oh yeah, my mum has come over from Melbourne. And my sisters too. Their reaction to S has been.. well, interesting... mum seems to be, surprisingly accepting. My sis's on the other hand were completely wtflumoxed; they must've underestimated my Awesomness.^__^

Now I feel sheepish. Baahhh.

Time to procrastinate on deviantart. Go go go!

Gene pool party anyone?

So, its been a while since the last time I've come around. You can blame the fact that I was living off 1g of internet a month for the past 2 months or so. It was so sucky. Actually I'm STILL living on 1g/month fml. As a result, here I am at uni procrastinating like a bitch and scabbing "free" internet. Hurrah.

Speaking of hurrah exams are coming up soon! I surprisingly very cbs about it all - got no motivation to do well, I reckon I could pass without studying so why the hell study right? Sigh, but that's just me. Unbeknownst to myself I probably know nothing and am completely retarded. Wait no, that I do know. =__=

But yes, my Lair is pretty awesome right now. All the furniture has been set up (some more dodgily than others *cough* DT *cough*). Most sexily of all it has a couch! Hell yes! I have my own couch! Let the many years of misuse and abuse begin!

So, my life as we know it so far.

Uh yes med. meh. Sleep-wise I've been getting more hours in total on the weekends than on weekdays. I think its called binge sleeping. On weeknights I usually get 3-5 hours. Weekends is epic splurg 10+ per night/afternoon. Also cooking for myself sucks; I forgot to buy bread this week and now have no idea what to eat for lunch - might go "forage" after the next lecture. I tried to cook chicken the other night whilst learning/doing a diarrhoea case, now I'm so paranoid of getting salmonella its not funny. And stuff keeps going off in my fridge which makes my life so damn interesting.  

I think I'm getting the hang of the Adelaidian way of life now; drinking and partying every night into the morning. Having an epic hang over in the morning and not being able to remember a single thing that went on in the past 10 hours. Then going to uni and attending 8am lectures where all the lecturers seem to constantly be on crack. (Insert gratuitious quote: "From an ethical point of view, it is a bad idea to blow off your friends." No duh, cos you'll get mouth warts yeah?)

Oh when I said "drinking and partying" I mean "drinking" cofffee and "partying" in front of my computer with forehead to desk, then Cecil, then desk over and over and over and over again. And hungover cos you know, you get hung over after being smashed like that. 

This post was awefully boring. Sorry. So sleep deprived I can't think straight (I actually think I'm lesbian).

Life is one big study sess

So I've been working my arse off lately. Hell, I shouldn't even be blogging right now. But whatever, LIFE CAN WAIT>>>>>>

Another Random Gratuitous Picture

Why does XKCD always manage to crack me up?

My completely eventful day today

12.01am - realise that it is 12.01am, fuck
12.14am - drink 3rd bottle of iced coffee
12.30am - download eBooks on ECG, hardcore study ECG
1.24am - realise that I havn't finished Case Based Learning issues
1.40am - yawn.
2.15am - print out CBL issues
2.16am - prepare to sleep, remember that i have a bio tute later that day
2.17am - climb out of bed. do tute questions.
2.48am - take a really really long leak (it was 3 bottles ok)
2.51am - find the printer jammed up. unjam printer. sleep.
6.45am - wake up
6.50am - turn off snooze on phone
6.55am - turn off snooze on ipod
7.00am - turn off 2nd snooze on phone
7.01am - get out of bed
7.10am - brush teeth, wash face, pour previously boiled water into filter
7.15am - pour cereal, get out bread, prepare tuna, get milk out the fridge, wash lettuce, find bread, find lunch box, pour milk into bowl of cereal, drain lettuce, pour filtered water into a drink bottle, find a spoon and a knife, spread tuna on bread, start eating cereal, put lettuce on bread, close lunch box
7.30am - get out of the house, finish eating cereal
7.40am - get to Klemzig O-Bahn station
7.42am - catch the wrong bus
7.58am - get off bus in a random place in the city
7.59am - look at watch and curse
8.00am - lecture begins
8.01am - start running towards campus
8.05am - get to lecture theatre
8.10am - find a seat in the front row (which shows how much dedication i have for morning bio lectures)
9.00am - lecture ends, walk to med school
9.10am - get to another lecture, sit in 3rd row now
9.24am - start shaking (due to frostbite in the Frigid Florey)
9.31am - lose sensation in extremities
9.57am - lose consciousness
10.00am - extract frozen arse from the chair
10.10am - go outside to thaw
10.15am - go to library and study study study
10.16am - get distracted
11.30am - eat lunch
11.40am - finish lunch, and feel hungry
12.00pm - return to medschool
12.10pm - begin CBL 
12.24pm - get picked on by tutor. Wake up.
12.38pm - get stuck on some random mega mech. on some random obscure bodily function (specifically the action of juxtacapillary receptors in the role of dyspnoea caused by pulmonary oedema due to aortic stenosis which then may precipitate in congestive heart failure)
12.57pm - sigh.
12.59pm - realise that there is another hour of CBL. sigh.
1.28pm - make up some crap about calve cramps being a result of heart failure (heed my warning Steve)
1.34pm - Zone out.
2.34pm - Mentally turn up to bio tute. Realising on arrival that my bio tutors were still stuck in the printer.
2.35pm - Nod and smile. Then zone out.
- two lectures and a yogurt bar later -
5.48pm - Have dinner on Rundle Mall
6.00pm - AUMO (adelaide uni medical orch) start
6.10pm - finish my spicy chicken with rice on Rundle Mall
6.20pm - turn up at rehearsal
6.30pm - play play play play play play play play play play.
7.30pm - finish rehearsal, pack up. 
7.38pm - get to almost Hindley St, shudder.
7.49pm - catch a bus from outside the Royal Adelaide Hospital 
8.00pm - get off at Klemzig station
8.06pm - get stabbed (in my imagination)
8.11pm - get back "home"
8.13pm - change clothes, open new bottle of orange juice
8.14pm - turn on computer
8.15pm - look at and make a list of work that needs to be done. Open MSN. Open mozilla to check out the blogs of friends. 
8.16pm - Check if anyone has commented on my blog. Begin writing blog just for lols.
12.01am - realise that it is 12.01am. Fuck.